Merry Christmas, I’m Trying Not to Miss You  

As the holidays approaches and the wind gets colder, 

your missing presence screams louder 

after all, this will be our first christmas being strangers

it feels quieter, a little lonelier, and entirely too still

Your presence was once the only gift I needed;

next to you, nothing materialistic ever held weight.

None at all. 

But without that gift, the one I was once so certain of, the season has lost its pulse.

So, what if I call? 

What if I gave in to the urge of reaching out 

and make this holiday as a mask to try and find my way back to you? 

Would you answer the phone?

Or would you just watch the screen glow until it fades to black?

If I find the courage to dial your number

Please, don’t let it ring out 

I just wanna hear your voice

And let you know how I long for you

Merry Christmas, I miss you.

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The wind feels biting,
but nothing colder than what we had.
I’m still here, carrying the weight you left behind
Being strangers is the only way I stay sane,
even if this Christmas feels empty and strange

Your presence was once a gift,
but it became something heavier;
something I couldn’t keep carrying and had to let go.
And maybe,
I hope that someone deserving will pick you up and keep you.

So don’t you dare call.
Don’t give in to the urge at all.
Don’t use the holidays to pull me back into rekindling.
Don’t be selfish enough to check if I’m still here.

If you find the courage to dial my phone,
Please,for once,leave me alone.
Because if it rings,

And I might actually pick it up.
I might actually pick up, and I’m terrified I’m not strong enough.

Merry Christmas, please don’t call me.