Complicity grooms normalization

Meryll Jane Jumalon

We may have heard the phrase “you cannot help who you fall in love with” once or twice in our lives. But we should face the truth that some relationships are more questionable and disturbing than others, widely due to an obviously large age gap and the power imbalance that comes with it. 

This is exactly the case for 33-year old courtside reporter Apple David and 18-year old collegiate basketball player Chad Gammad, who recently sparked headlines in the country after David “hard launched” their relationship in a TikTok post. The post’s comments since then have been turned off, yet netizens continue to create public discourse on  other social media platforms. Some question the relationship, bearing a daunting 15-year age gap between the pair, citing the power imbalance in the relationship as well as how Gammad just reached the age of legality. Others continue to defend the duo, saying that others “should not be so judgmental” and that their relationship is “none of your business.” 

From the mixed reactions alone, the normalization of grooming is already evident. If grooming was a problem that every person is educated in and is aware of, some would not have been defending the obvious problematic age gap between David and Gammad. 

But this issue does not merely focus on David and Gammad alone, as this is not the first time that a questionable relationship has made headlines. In 2023, actor Coco Martin and partner, actress Julia Montes made headlines as Martin confided in a TV Patrol interview that their relationship had started way back in 2011. In 2011, Martin was already 29-years old, while Montes was merely 16-years old, still a minor. Yet barely anyone questioned them, with people quickly moving on and Coco Martin still starring in television shows as well as still garnering support from viewers. 

Another notable figure with a questionable relationship was Enrique Gil and then-girlfriend Liza Soberano, wherein the latter admitted that she was only 17-years old when she entered a relationship with then 22-year old Enrique Gil. Despite receiving significant online backlash after their break-up, as well as facing grooming allegations after photos of Gil and 17-year old girl Andrea Brown circulated online, Gil has still made a comeback in acting and is also venturing into producing. 

However, the worst case of grooming between notable figures is the case of former child actor Bugoy Cariño and professional volleyball player EJ Laure, when they became parents when Laure was 20-years old while Cariño was merely 16-years old at the time when their daughter was born. While Cariño was praised for accepting the role of a father at a very young age, their relationship’s age gap is still questionable and should not be a normal occurrence. Minors all should have the chance to enjoy the life they have ahead of them, instead of already being trapped in adult responsibilities. 

People move on from grooming allegations too quickly, as if these allegations were normal and tolerable. Grooming has been deeply ingrained in our society that it has reached a point where it is still a debated topic garnering split reactions and not seen as a silent threat. In a 2025 press release by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), it found that 1 in 6 girls in the country are already married even before reaching age 18. This ranks the Philippines in 12th place worldwide in terms of absolute number of child marriages, wherein mere children who are yet to experience their life are already groomed and bound to a union they do not consent and agree to. 

Moreover, to date, there are no laws that specifically target grooming in the country. The closest law that protects minors from grooming is Republic Act No. 11930 or the Anti-Online Sexual Abuse or Exploitation of Children (OSAEC) Act, where it explicitly mentions that grooming is the act of building a relationship of trust with a minor to either manipulate them or condition them to enter a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

Yet, the lack of accountability regarding grooming allegations as well as traditions that harm minors can all be traced back to systemic failure. The few laws aiming to protect minors from the earliest stage of abuse, which is grooming, and rampant poverty, are still pushing impoverished children to trade their dignity with financial or academic incentives just to survive. Grooming would not seem so normal and would not be often heard about if only every child had the same circumstances and the same opportunities given to them. 

This issue is not merely about how questionable Apple David and Chad Gammad’s 15-year age gap really is, but rather, it also exposes us into how quickly people could move on and forget. How people would just move on to the next public discourse as if nothing happened. Because long before they were subjects of headlines, they had predecessors that faced the same scrutiny yet are already forgotten by many. Staying silent and neutral, or even supporting the groomer, grooms normalization. 

Remember that in every “do not be quick to judge” and “their relationship is none of your business,” an actual child is suffering in the hands of their abuser because society has been complicit. Until the last questionable couple has been made the subject of a headline, grooming would only remain as a silent threat that is barely being faced properly.