Negative remarks can tear families apart

Gatherings are meant to be enjoyable and filled with memorable moments among families, friends, and peers. Oftentimes, these gatherings are held during events or holidays such as birthdays, Christmas, and New Year. 

In particular, family gatherings are times meant for connection and bonding between relatives. They provide an opportunity for family members to share stories, celebrate achievements, and strengthen relationships.

However, not every family gathering is ideal for a person. While reunions are meant for building genuine and strong connections, they become a dreadful, time-consuming event some people would rather avoid.

Negative remarks during family gatherings

One of the most common reasons why family gatherings become dreadful is because of the criticism and comments from relatives. What one may believe is a harmless joke, observation, or piece of advice often becomes an unwanted, hurtful comment or a backhanded compliment that affects the receiver. 

Comments such as, “You’ve gotten fatter,” “Oh, you’re still single?” or “Are you gay? That’s such a waste.” It may take a toll on a family member’s mental health by lowering their self-esteem and degenerating self-perceptions. Although one may argue that certain comments are meant with good intentions, they are still determined by the way the speaker delivers them to the receiver.

Another reason could be that family gatherings bring back hurtful memories or strained ties, often brought about through gossip, which triggers stress patterns among the relatives. Gossiping, as a form of communication, is not the ideal approach, as it often leads to negativity, which then affects the people being talked about. When this happens, the individuals’ nervous systems sense that the area is unsafe, leading them to resort to self-blaming or self-isolation. .

Nonetheless, communication is an important aspect for families and other relationships. It will help the individuals understand one another and lessen misinterpretations. When negative comments continue throughout these gatherings, relationships could weaken rather than strengthen. Through proper communication and being mindful of words, relatives will be able to build trust and foster a safe environment for the family. 

While Filipinos observe a high understanding of respect, with mannerisms such as saying “po” and “opo,” this does not guarantee that they have proper communication. In fact, most Filipino households in Visayas and Mindanao often do not practice these teachings, which may lead to a cycle of poor communication within families.

A cycle of negativity

This cycle of poor communication and misunderstandings may build up and lead to an intergenerational trauma in the family. This results in a gathering full of tension, hurtful comments, or even arguments that have been left unresolved. 

During gatherings, Filipinos often suppress their emotions to keep the peace, enjoy themselves, and even avoid difficult conversations. Although doing so increases the possibility of experiencing symptoms such as stress and headaches. Individuals may also develop a weakened immune system due to high cortisol levels.

Without open communication and efforts done to break these patterns, family gatherings will continue to be dreadful obligations tied to past negative experiences rather than joyful catch-up moments between relatives.

Better family relationships through mindful communication 

Family reunions may not be perfect; they have their ups and downs. Practicing healthier and more open communication between relatives can help them understand and support each other’s situations without a cloud of judgment. Being mindful of what you share and how you deliver it can help lessen the so-called “negative energy” people feel during these gatherings. Through this, families would create an environment where everyone feels heard, respected, and accepted, rather than one that fosters negativity and judgment.