Before guys and the internet told women who to be, Sex and the City already had the answers

Selene Ashlee Vitor

“I couldn’t help but wonder…”

How does a woman survive heartbreak? How does she spend her money? Does she prioritize bills, shopping, career growth, or love? 

For four women navigating life in Manhattan, New York, these questions are not simply passing thoughts — they are realities they face every day.

Premiering in 1998, Sex and the City follows the lives of four friends as they navigate love, friendship, careers, and womanhood in New York City. The series stars Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw, a newspaper columnist; Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones, a confident public relations executive; Cynthia Nixon as Miranda Hobbes, a successful lawyer; and Kristin Davis as Charlotte York, an art dealer with traditional romantic ideals.

More than two decades after its debut, the series continues to resonate because of its honest portrayal of women’s experiences and evolving identities. Beneath the designer shoes, cosmopolitans, and glamorous city life lies a deeper story about what it means to be a woman in a world constantly telling women who they should be.

The pressure to be the perfect “woman” 

One of the strengths of Sex and the City is its refusal to define femininity through a single lens.

Carrie represents the woman still figuring things out. Miranda challenges traditional gender expectations through her ambition and independence. Charlotte embraces conventional ideas of romance and family life. Samantha, meanwhile, confidently rejects societal expectations surrounding women’s sexuality.

As Samantha once said, “I love you, but I love me more.”

Expressed during a painful breakup in the “Luck Be an Old Lady” chapter with a partner she deeply cared for but could no longer trust, the iconic line marked a definitive refusal to let a relationship erode her identity. By choosing to leave, she wasn’t denying her feelings for him; she was protecting her own peace. 

The quote remains one of the show’s most memorable lines because it highlights self-worth and personal agency — values many women continue to struggle to prioritize.

This message becomes even more relevant when viewed against society’s expectations of women. There are studies explaining that femininity is often shaped by socially constructed norms that influence how women are expected to behave, present themselves, and define success. These expectations extend beyond appearance and affect relationships, caregiving roles, emotional expression, and personal aspirations.

However, the movie is pushing against this notion. Charlotte dreams of marriage and family. Miranda prioritizes her legal career. Samantha embraces sexual freedom and independence. And Carrie continuously questions what fulfillment truly means. 

None of them are portrayed as the “correct” version of womanhood, and perhaps that is precisely the point. 

Women’s lives beyond society’s calendar

Growing up often comes with a timeline people are expected to follow: Graduate by a certain age, find a stable job, fall in love, get married, have children, and build a successful life. 

And for women, these expectations can feel even heavier. Whether it is the pressure to look a certain way, achieve certain milestones, or embody society’s version of femininity, many women grow up believing they are somehow behind everyone else.

Research published in the Journal of Family Issues found that traditional gender norms continue to associate womanhood with motherhood, encouraging many women to place societal expectations above their own aspirations.

But Sex and the City quietly challenges this idea.

The four women experience failed relationships, career setbacks, financial struggles, heartbreaks, and uncertainty. They make mistakes, change their minds, and start over. They are successful one moment and completely lost the next.

And that is what makes them feel real.

Because adulthood is rarely a straight path. Sometimes it is messy. Sometimes it is confusing. Sometimes it feels like everyone else has figured life out except you.

As Carrie reflects, “Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.”

Contemplating the quiet devastation of a major presence suddenly leaving her again in “I Heart NY” episode, it transforms a painful departure into a moment of heartfelt realization. It reframes the feeling of being left behind or veering entirely off course not as a dead end, but as a catalyst. By suggesting that these painful missteps are precisely what shape our identity, she highlights that the very things we regret — and the people we lose — are often what lead us to where we are meant to be. 

For many viewers, the show’s greatest comfort is not that the women eventually find answers, but that they continue moving forward despite not having them.

Lessons that outlived the 90s 

Perhaps the most enduring lesson of Sex and the City is that there is no universal timeline for being a woman.

Some women discover what they want early in life. Others spend years figuring it out. Some choose marriage and motherhood. Others choose careers, travel, friendships, or a combination of many things.

None of these paths are more legitimate than the others.

This perspective is reflected in contemporary research on women’s lives. A study published in Women’s Studies International Forum argues that fulfillment should not be measured solely through traditional milestones such as marriage or motherhood, but also through personal growth, self-determination, careers, friendships, and individual aspirations.

The series also reminds audiences that friendships can be just as life-changing as romantic relationships.

In Carrie’s words, “No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never go through it without your friends.”

Delivered in season two’s “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” following a painful breakup, the quote captures a truth that extends far beyond romance. Heartbreak can make us feel isolated, but healing rarely happens alone. More often than not, it is the friends who answer late-night calls, listen without judgment, and remind us of who we are when we have forgotten ourselves. 

In many ways, the heart of the series was never about finding the perfect partner. It was about finding yourself — and finding people who stay beside you while you do.

This is why the movie resonates until today. Not because it gave women answers, but because it gave them permission to ask questions, change their minds, start over, and choose a different path from the one society mapped out for them.

In a culture that often tells women when they should succeed, who they should become, and how they should live, the series offers something far more comforting: the freedom to grow at one’s own pace.

Certainly, that is the show’s greatest legacy. It reminds women that growing up is not a race, and fulfillment is not a destination marked by a ring, a promotion, or society’s approval. Sometimes, it is found in the friendships that carry us through heartbreak, the mistakes that teach us who we are, and the courage to keep moving forward even when the future remains uncertain.

More than twenty years later, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha continue to stay relevant because they reflect a reality many women know all too well: life rarely unfolds according to plan.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe womanhood was never about having everything figured out, but allowing yourself to become different versions of who you are, over and over again.

To stumble, change, begin again and outgrow old dreams and discover new ones.

To learn that your worth is not measured by how closely your life resembles someone else’s.

And to realize that every version of yourself — even the uncertain one, the heartbroken one, the still-figuring-it-out one — is worthy of love, respect, and belonging.

After all, being a woman was never meant to be about fitting into a mold. It was always about finding the courage to become yourself.