We shouldn’t be hard on ourselves, and hear the reminders we tell others

Zyle Salazar, Janelle Avida Alvarez, Mike Gil Padayao

We have become so good at comforting everyone that we sometimes forget that we need it, too. 

It is often easier to find the right words for someone else’s pain than to offer ourselves the same empathy. But when the weight shifts onto our own shoulders, everything changes completely.

We trade grace for guilt, doubt for certainty, and expectations for perfection we would never dream of saying to someone else. As though kindness is something we must always give to others and deprive ourselves.The same goes with the embrace of warmth, patience, and gentleness. We forget that we also deserve the same understanding we so willingly offer to the people around us.

Maybe some reminders we freely give to other people are the ones we need to hear from ourselves, too. 

It’s okay to make mistakes.

Being perfect isn’t the measure of how far we have come and making mistakes does not erase the progress we have made. Sometimes, the hardest part is accepting that we can stumble, fall short, and still be deserving of kindness and forgiveness.

What matters is finding the courage to learn from what went wrong without allowing it to define our whole being.

It’s okay not to be okay.

We were taught to be strong, reminded to always be resilient, and told that we are more than our lowest points. But no one taught us not to be okay. 

Maybe we were used to being okay at the peak of our lives as if stumbling, falling, and having bad days are unacceptable. Perhaps not being okay is proof that we are alive. Like what they always say, “Live life to the fullest.” But in order to live life to its fullest potential means embracing fears, overcoming doubts, and slowly taking on the hurdles that may come our way. 

It’s okay to ask for help.

Sometimes, we feel as if we can conquer the world on our own. We can get absorbed in carrying these endless boulders on our shoulders. We can say “I’m fine” with a strained smile out of fear of bothering others.

Reaching out does not make you weak. You do not always have to be alone. Let someone be there for you, too. No man is an island. We are willing to dance with you in the heavy downpour of rain, and wait for the rise of the sun.

You don’t have to figure things out right away.

Getting everything right at the first try isn’t always possible. It’s okay not to always have the answers yet. Life’s essence does not diminish without having a clear direction. Sometimes, figuring things out takes time.

Allow yourself to breathe a little and take one step at a time.

You don’t have to face this alone. 

As we stare at the stars, we are never alone in conquering the darkness of the universe. Sometimes, the burden we carry the whole time is meant to be shared with one another. And we don’t have to bottle up our emotions just to prove that we are strong and capable. 

Lift your head. Don’t be scared. You are not alone.

You don’t have to compare yourself to others.

Someone else’s achievements don’t make yours less important. Everyone moves at a different pace, comes from different paths, and possesses different strengths. Your journey does not have to look like anyone else’s.

Measuring your capabilities to someone who might have a different skillset is futile and will only give you more pain than gain. Instead, focus on yourself.

You are allowed to grow differently. You’re allowed to take a different path. You are allowed to do what makes you feel like yourself.

You are enough.

Perhaps this could be the epitome of comfort we could ever utter to one another. However, it truly is ironic how we perceive the existence of others as enough, yet we can’t embrace the qualities of our own selves. 

And maybe we set the standards of perfection so high that we become too hard on our hearts seeking for just a speck of validation and recognition.

However, our limitless potential and remarkable stories are testament to the fact that no matter where we came from, no matter what we are going through, and no matter who we are becoming, we, too, are more than enough.

You’re doing great.

You don’t have to accomplish everything at once to prove that you are doing enough. There will always be something left to finish, but that does not mean what you have done isn’t meaningful. 

Remember, even getting through a difficult day is an achievement worthy of giving yourself a pat on the back.

You can always begin again.

Starting over again doesn’t mean that all the efforts have vanished. In this chapter of our lives, we encounter different parts, different pages, and different prologues that eventually embody how we move forward. But life isn’t life if we don’t fall short. 

To trust is to have courage. And in courage, there are new beginnings—a chance to try and give life another shot. Because there’s no timeline for beginning again.

I am proud of you.

For accomplishments, growth, or how we are able to witness the ease of the path that others’ are walking onto—or how we became their safest space—we always tell them, “I’m proud of you.” And there is nothing wrong with that. 

But as much as we tell them how we were so delighted, we are having such a hard time being proud of our own progress. Maybe we do not have to have those fast-paced lives, ground-breaking opportunities, and impressive endeavors just to conclude that we could finally say, “I am proud of myself.” 

Each day is a day to be proud of ourselves even when we feel like we are not valuable at all.

One bad day doesn’t define you.

Life is like a ferris wheel. Sometimes you’re at the top, sometimes you’re at rock bottom. It is because there will always be moments that don’t go as planned. But just the revolution of this carnival ride, things can change. Give yourself time to eventually come back around.

And when the fireworks begin to explode, may we also learn to admire the therapeutic view—to understand why we have been through so much at the rock bottom to appreciate how far we have come.

We are worthy of the love we give to others 

We are quick to remind others that it’s okay to rest, make mistakes, ask for help, and take things one step at a time, but often hold ourselves to a different standard. 

The kindness we give away deserves to be given back to ourselves. We also deserve to hear the reminders we offer to others. Just as how we deserve to love ourselves with the same patience, grace, and understanding we freely give to others.

Learning to say them to ourselves is where real self-compassion begins. Sometimes, simply allowing ourselves to be human—to pause, to feel, and to begin again is more than enough.