“Ano ba talaga tayo?”: Beyond love and labels after Valentines

Shaunte Felicity Ong

Streets flooded with roses, people dressed in red, and hard launches on timelines. From fancy dates and cheesy captions to mountains of bouquets, Valentines remains to be unapologetic. 

But in the middle of all the ruckus are those unsure if they even have the right to post or if they should say anything at all.

Can you really say “Happy Valentines” if you don’t know what you are?

What’s a situationship?

Living in the gray area, a situationship is more than just confusing. It’s romantic, but they’re never strong enough to last.

Two people act like a couple. They go on dates, flirt, grow physically intimate, meet each other’s friends, all without the commitment and label. There’s visible chemistry, a forming connection, and for some, even emotional depth close to love.

But there’s no label, commitment, or boundaries. It’s intimate until you seek clarity.

“Let’s just see where this goes,” they say with rich thought of what could be in the future, yet months pass with no progression.

Not a mutual understanding

In the local dating scene, most are familiar with “MU” or a mutual understanding. It’s often used interchangeably with “situationship” but they are never the same.

An MU is a step taken with intention. Both people acknowledge their feelings and explore the possibility of something that could become official. There’s no label, but there’s direction. Because beneath the quiet exclusivity, an agreement that something is forming means that commitment is not far from reach. 

Meanwhile, situationships don’t have a direction. It’s built upon assumptions of a budding relationship where benefits are enjoyed, all without the risk of giving more. While the difference may seem meager, the landscape shifts when tides take a different turn.

An MU will move forward, but a situationship goes around in circles.

Who engages in situationships?

Anyone and everyone can be part of a situationship.

Among the youth who are caught in life’s hustle and bustle, they become too “busy” for labels. For college students, independence is cherished accompanied by a fear of being tied down. And for those who’ve been broken before, commitment becomes scary.

While for some, they “go with the flow.”

Relationships are no longer within the bounds of an organic encounter. Dating apps have become so prominent that the dating scene has become quick and convenient with a few swipes. While they can offer companionship without the additional steps, convenience has its cost.

Are situationships safe?

When there are no clear expectations, there are no bounds physically and emotionally. It can feel like walking on thin ice despite being honest and open. 

“Bawal mag selos pag walang label!”

You don’t know where you stand, and you don’t know what you’re allowed to feel. You don’t know if you’re the only one expecting more, or if you’re just another person’s pastime.

The weight of all the uncertainty is the anchor of the relationship.

Emotional consequence

It’s thrilling. Fun. Exciting. Late-night calls, simple jokes, “good morning,” “good night,” and lingering confessions.

Then you wonder:

Why am I scared to ask?

What if we’re not yet ready?

The emotional imbalance formed by situationships are rooted in one’s investment of stronger feelings, while the other fails to reciprocate the same depth. And most of the time, it’s who invests more who hurts more.

You’re not sure if you’re broken, but you know you’re stuck.

Where the road ends

Despite the consequences, some situationships have bloomed into successful relationships. Some were able to walk the right path, some were able to embrace the risk, and some accepted commitment.

But for most, they end quietly like a ghost.

Decreasing interactions, colder replies, impossible schedules, and a thread of excuses. 

The next day, it’s over. There’s no breakup, maybe just a short exchange of messages at most. 

Many situationships are ended without resolution. The absence of commitment meant the lack of proper closure because there is no clear marker of a beginning. You grieve a “what could have been” that was never really anything, and that’s not easy to comprehend.

Breaking free

Sometimes, all you need is to ask yourself the right questions.

Is this setup for me?

Do I want this to move forward?

What are our intentions?

Having clarity is never too much to ask for—protecting your peace has never become too much to ask for.

Answers aren’t always a clear “yes” or “no,” sometimes it’s also a “definitely maybe.”

To free oneself from a relationship might be through walking away or ghosting for some, but for others, it may also be through defining boundaries.

It may also be accepting that commitment is not for you.

It’s not just about labels

It’s not an obsession with labels. It’s about security, mutual intention, and a clear direction.

Labels never define one’s love, but they serve as a symbol of responsibility in choosing each other consciously.

Valentines may have passed and the flowers may have begun to wilt. But what remains behind these material acts of love are its foundations.

You don’t need confusion. 

You need clarity and love not cloaked as casual.

Because after all the Valentines celebrations, what matters is knowing where you stand the day after. Not without discomfort, but with a love that doesn’t keep you guessing.